Saying Goodbye

I’ve said several goodbyes throughout my 30-some years of existence. I’ve said goodbye to friends after graduating high school. Goodbye to family as I leave for college. I’ve said goodbye to friends after graduating college. Goodbye as I’ve moved several times throughout three states. And I’ve said goodbye to loved ones after they have taken their final breath.

Those are often the hardest. My Mamaw and Papaw, a neighbor who was like a sister whose life was taken by a drunk driver, a great grandmother, a friend in college who took his own life, another sweet friend in college, church friends, sons and daughters and parents and spouses and friends of those I care about… Each time is hard for different reasons, but the goodbyes were always said after they were gone.

Yesterday I went to a pre-memorial, if you want to call it that, as I’m not sure if there’s an official word for it. On Friday I got word that my great uncle (my grandpa’s brother), who had been fighting cancer for about two years, was told he had about a week left. When he heard this news, he decided he wanted to get his family together for one last hoorah.

His daughter flew in to Chicago from Florida and other family drove from all over the state to come and be with him. I rode up with my grandparents and my mom. There were 30-40 people who had met at the Texas Roadhouse for a meal. I knew 5 of them, but that didn’t stop me from receiving hugs from “stranger” relatives. My great uncle was the recipient of many hugs and kisses as we waited for our meals.

About two and half hours later, our party vacated the restaurant and headed to the back room of a loud, Sunday night gathering at the VFW. Photos of him were scattered about the tables and provoked story upon story. And then, talking over the obnoxious and sometimes vulgar music in the next room, I heard stories from my uncle’s kids, nieces, and nephews about him. I knew he was a stinker, but I didn’t know how much so until last night.

As they shared I watched my uncle’s face. I could see the joy, the love for his family, and the sadness on his face. Many in the room were crying, but the whole night was heartwarming. What an incredible opportunity to hold a remembrance gathering while the guest of honor is still able to attend. What a beautiful thing for everyone. Not everyone gets such a rare experience before their loved one passes.

My great uncle is 90-something years old. He has lived a long life, a full life. From what I heard, he has done many of the things he had wanted to do or wanted to see. He’s not expected to last much longer now. You could see how weary he was. And I know that his lively, ornery spirit will be missed by many and stories will continue to be told long after he is gone. But what a gift it is to be able to say goodbye before he is gone.